To My Childhood Dream
I have been evaluating so many things in my life lately. Not only my convictions and theology but also what I really should be focusing on. I am a woman of many interests. Jack of all trades, master of none.. if you would.
I never wanted a career but to be a wife, a mum, to homeschool my kids, and to support my husband in Church ministry or a mission field. If you know me from primary school, you should know that I wanted to be a writer. If you know me from seminary, I never joked when I said "I want to be a pastor's wife." Both are still true today and the Lord blesses me with a godly man and He continues to sanctify me through our marriage. When it comes to writing, I want to use my writing for the Lord.
Writing is one of the most consistent things I have done since I was little. I hated school but I loved the school library. In class, I rather write short stories or poems than listen to my teacher.
I ended up in a seminary because my Mum didn't like the idea of me being a journalist. Her advice at that time was to learn theology instead of journalism to equip me in my writings and to use them for God. Besides, one of my favourite authors and theologians was one of the professors in the seminary I was advised to enter. I was naive. There I was a seminary student for 5 years. When I studied in a seminary, I took on various writing jobs including a journalist for a Christian magazine and a writer for three different Christian publishers. When I graduated I left my home country for a mission school and long story short I ended up in the UK.
I brought my writing and translating works to the UK. I tried my best to continue them from abroad. But working in a foreign land has its challenges. I managed to finish the writing gig I took, but it was unfortunate that I had to drop the book translating gig from a big Christian publisher in Indonesia at the end. Finding time was proven difficult back then. I was working in a community for people with learning disabilities. They always had things going on in the community besides my regular days working in workshops and in the house. You might wonder what made me end up in that place. Well, that is a story for another time.
After my first year in the UK, I did not take any writing gigs. I thought I should focus on my work in the community and finish it well, go back to Indonesia, and then resume my writing jobs. Which obviously never happened because I met and got married to Andrew.
My writing took a sudden turn after the wedding. I set up a travel blog and began to take writing commissions from brands and travel boards. It wasn't sustainable since I mostly got paid by 'experience'. Yeah, I travelled here and there for free, experienced many new things, free goodies, etc. That was not what I pictured it to be. The fact that I wrote to influence others to "travel the world" in itself was far from how I wanted my writings to be used. After discussing it with Andrew, I decided to quit.
My writings continued in various shapes since then including some essays when I was doing a doctoral study in a seminary. As for now, I am unsure where the Lord will take my writing journey. I am aware that I certainly have to brush up on my English writing skill if I want to write for His kingdom.
My prayer remains the same.. may it brings glory to the Lord.
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Coram Deo:
When I think of my entire life (though it looks messy, random, and windy), I see a formative life. The hands of God in His mercy have been shaping me into the way I am. I often regret why didn't I just focus on one thing and build my career there —like most people are, but I trust the Lord has appointed me to this life the way it is. It is easy to get tangled up in vain regrets and forget God's sovereign decree in our lives. It is easy to get trapped to be this or that, to do this or that, and forget to live to enjoy God Himself. I would remind myself again that this windy life of mine is where I can enjoy being with my Lord. Whatever it is. Wherever it is. Let God be glorified! I will pray without ceasing that He may give me clarity on how I can use my writing.
Tuesday, 11 July 2023